Techno babble

Do you have a blackberry? Are you one of those people with an Ipod, Ipad, Ipole, Iphone, Ipoll, Isad. Quite frankly, I am sad.
I, President of the United Luddite Federation am here today to make it known that the only technology I own are: cell phone. No Internet connection. MP3 player with 200 songs max on it. And a calculator.
Even if I owned a blackberry, I wouldn't know what to do with it. I am so lame in those regards (and in other regards as well). I think I would put it into my shirt or coat pocket to protect myself against oncoming bullets. This act shows just how up-to-date I am and just how paranoid I am and the lengths I will go to protect myself against stray bullets (I live in Rural Town, USA).
I just am being passed by...at light speed...by all of this change in technology over the past few years.
I have a laptop....but, the only Internet sites I ever frequent include cnn.com, nytimes.com, blogspot (to write), facebook (because I gotta) and my email account.
Someone was talking to me about how much time they spend on the Internet and it's ridiculous. What do you people do on the Internet? After I check my email and facebook, the computer remains unused until tomorrow at 10 o'clock when I CHECK THOSE TWO SITES AGAIN. I even considered going back into the dark ages and getting a land line phone instead of my cell phone. All of the techno freaks beware. I am your worst enemy.