Ok. So, my faithful readers have read about the Pondo, the P.H.co., the bistro, Whitey's and the fake floral store. But, that was only half of the excitement that is: my employment history.
6. During my time at the fake floral store, I also volunteered for an after-school program tutoring kids. Don't think I'm some self-sacrificing hero---I did it to get a scholarship. For one, I don't even like kids that much. I dry heave every time someone mentions breastfeeding. I have dreams about giving birth, and being revolted by my own milk-filled breasts.
I think infants are boring, too. They smell weird, I hate the smell of baby powder, they need like a Paris Hilton sized accessories closet and all they do is poop and scream. At all hours of the night. Infants are a lot like frat boys, in a nutshell.
Luckily, the kids I taught were trained and very nice. I Tutored reading and English for awhile and then I moved on to tutoring kids one-on-one at math. Ummmm. In case you don't know me, I am a HISTORY major. I don't do math. At this age, (18), I hadn't taken math for over a year. And, even then, I was only enrolled in a math course, I didn't really learn math. These eight-year-olds are depending on me to help them pass math? Hokay.
So, I roll into the classroom and the teacher points to a small boy in the back corner. Why is it that they always stick the mathematically-challenged people in the back corner? I was mathematically-challenged, and I was stuck in the back corner too. Immediately, I bonded with this kid.
So, as I was reading the problems and seeing his answers and the work he did to get the answers, I was stopped short:
He, and the kids in his class, were learning a new procedure for large arithmetic problems! In other words: I didn't know shit about what he was doing. So, instead of alerting the proper authorities on the situation, I decided the best thing was to just have him teach me the new procedure. Except, we were both in the dark about the procedure. Time well spent, I'd say.
7. After I quit the floral store and I went to college, I needed money to pay for stuff....so I picked up a job for breaks (especially over Christmas Break, the longest ass break that college students have). Why is the break so long? 5 to 6 weeks. It isn't healthy for me to sit around for five to six weeks while waiting for school to start, especially in the presence of cookies and candies and holiday treats under the scrutiny of my Baptist / Republican / nondrinking family. Thanks, State University. Pain in my ass. So, in need of cashmoney and to cure my boredom, I decided it was a good time to pick up a job at the mall: Victoria's Secret. I really heard good things about the company and its friendliness to the employees. They also had a good training system that had a lot of coverage in all areas of the store. V.S. is a bra place. They sell underwear and bras and some perfume. This seemed like the place for me.
The only weird part was the nudity. Women are much freer than I thought they would be in the real world. They are very willing to show, and have 19-year-old girls touch, their front areas, checking for bra inaccuracies and asking for advice. And, these women (yes, women, no one under the age of 30 does this) will COME OUT INTO THE STORE AND DRESSING AREA partially nude. I am an American. Americans like the second amendment, flags, misogyny, freedom and blowing shit up. Most Americans find nudity very shocking. I am one of those Americans. Breasts were EVERYWHERE.
So, while all of these women are in the nude, instead of playing it off and being calm and collected during the episode/peepshow, my face turns bright red, I start sweating a little, and my eyes are open wide. Like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't look away and yet, I couldn't look straight ahead. Wide eyed *not so bushy tailed, however. A little while after the incident, I got transferred to the lingerie section---I'm really good at lying and selling lingerie. I think I got transferred because they knew my addiction to the kink. I was probably the only kinky one (with selling skills) who worked there. One time, this man came to V.S. looking for some lingerie. It was around the holidays and he needed a gift for his lady. He came to me wearing construction boots, flannel and some heavy-duty pantalones. These pants looked THICK. Anyway, he came to me asking for some lingerie. I asked him the usual questions like, do you want a certain color, style, etc.
We narrowed it down to two choices. He picked up one that he really fancied and said, "Is this going to rip easily?"
Okay, I thought to myself, I need the sale (we don't work on commission, but I wanted to impress the bosslady)....what is going to make the sale?
So, I responded: "Not unless you want it to rip."
Sale made!
Next up: dorm desk, Dollar General, college big wig, and my current love: the library. Stay tuned!
"Not unless you want it to rip."
ReplyDeletehilarious.