Just don't do it.

This is dedicated to all the workers out there.
I have been neglecting my blog for the past week (the Thanksgiving "holiday" took up all of my time). Plus, our computer is as old as time, so that didn't help the bloggin'. Lo siento, kids.

Ok, after seeing a commercial that I thought was hilarious, I decided to do an exposèe on this topic. (COPYRIGHT WARNING: THIS IS NOT MY IDEA, IT WAS OFF OF A NEW BOARDGAME: I'M JUST REVAMPING THE IDEA).
Ok: Things NOT to do on your first day at work:
1. Kick the boss.
Just don't do it. You don't bite the one who feeds you. Animals know it and so should you.

2. Sleep.
Sleepy time is not work time. People are going to think you have a drinking problem; get a good night sleep. Believe me....I am a big sleeper, so I know how tough this is.

3. Wear your hippie costume from the recent "Herb Exchange" at the local head shop.
Self explanatory. Don't do it. Unless you're working for the Head Shop or as a lobbyist for Students for a Sensible Drug Policy or the Federation of People Who Like To Dye Things.....don't wear your "I love Drugs and Alcohol" t-shirt.

4. Do not recite the verses to the theme song from Star Trek: Next Generation.
I learned this one the hard way.
Nerds unite!

5. Do not trash talk your dumbass coworkers.
There is plenty of time to diss those brainless, self-righteous people with whom you share workspace. The first day is not the time for this.

6. Don't eat other people's food in the fridge.
And definitely don't tell them about how great it was. Especially if it is chocolate or sandwich related. If it looks shady, it's fair game (in my opinion).

7. Don't photograph the infamous Black Book. Definitely don't hand it out, post it, send it out in a memo. If anything, you should keep it under lock and key under your bed AT HOME.
Black Book material should not be shared the first day. No. Don't do it.

8. Jell-o someone's stapler.
Clever idea. Beautiful for The Office, the television show, as seen on NBC, and its affiliates. Not acceptable for work use and definitely not for the first day of work.

9. Don't string all of the paper clips together.
This is a multi-faceted, very complex issue:

A. Come on. That's a bitchass move. Funny for a minute, I'll give ya that....but after a minute, it becomes weird.
B. Really? Your first day? You're gonna do that the first day?
C. At least act like you're busy. It's your first day, let's not piss anyone off.
Overall, it looks pretty, but it is not cool.

10. Find your university's rival and then pick a fight.

A. Rarely does anyone care about College Athletics after college.
B. NOT ON THE FIRST DAY.
C. You're gonna look like an idiot reciting all of the statistics from the last 3 seasons to someone who probably just happened to go to Big University.
D. If they did care, they probably wouldn't know anything about the sport, etc, nowadays.
E. You're gonna look like a tool.

11. Make out with the office hottie/stud.
Even if it is not the office hottie/stud (and just an available, loose-lipped person)...don't do it.
Probably best left to day number two. This is also correlated with the Number 7 previously mentioned. If you're gonna do it....do it in the coat closet (still wait for Day Number Two). Or do it on your lunch break (get a lunch out of it too).

12. Politics....religion....
That's an obvious thing not to mention on the first day. Especially if you're working for a big business, they are probably Republican and not interested in your feelings toward the oppressed minorities. They got scrilla to make.

Overall: Appearance and Behavior is key.