Proper Bus Etiquette.

After my recent adventures in Chicagoland area, I have decided it was time to impart my wisdom on the masses. What has brought this about, one might ask. Well, I will tell you. Burglaries, annoyance and ill-tempered, insanely uncomfortable meetings with inner city bus traveler. That is what has brought this on. Yes, I have not only been a witness to a burglary, but I have also been witness to an insane bus passenger who became and nuisance, to put it gently, to those around her. This one woman was on the bus, had a seat next to her and refused to let anyone sit there/sit there in peace.
So, in conclusion, it has come to my attention that Chicago needs me to tell this the rules of the route.
1. If you have to make a call, please try not to YELL AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS FOR ALL TO HEAR. Seriously. And, on a side note. If you are a "regular" like I am and take the bus at the exact same time I do everyday, please consider not making phone calls every single day and abstain from YELLING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS FOR THE ENTIRE PHONE CALL THREE DAYS IN A ROW.
For one, no one cares about your multiple baby daddies and child sitter issues. Secondly, I definitely don't want to hear about your baby daddy issues for three days straight on a gawdawful bus jam-packed full of sweaty, testy, shady Chicagoans.

2. Por favor. If you speak another language, do not think you are exempt from the previous rule. We/I can still here you, even though you are speaking Russian, French, Spanish, etc. I know at most 22 words in the spanish language but, I know enough to know that what you be sayin' on the telefono on the bus can wait until you arrive at the local Laund-ro-mat.

3. If there is 89 people on the bus (maximum occupancy 62), this is probably not the time to take up more than one spot on the bus. And, if someone wants to sit down, and, I may be out of line here, but, perhaps....LET THEM SIT DOWN. Also, move your shit out of the seat next to you. Why are you traveling with 3 garbage bags on the bus anyway (true story).
I know, I'm a heretic.

4. Leave your (literal) garbage at home. This goes back to the third example of proper etiquette on the bus. Where are you going that requires you to bring 3 garbage bags full of god-knows-what? Fo' real. What is in those bags. They seem fairly light. So, I assume they aren't clothes (some people use garbage bags to transport their dirty laundry). So, this leads me to assume that he a)keeps his receipts in there b) crumples up old newspapers to use later for ransom notes or c) he is doing the city a favor by going around town, picking up trash and carrying it elsewhere, using the bus as his mode of transportation.


All in all people, let's get classy on the bus.