Mom-isms from Me

Whoa! I am a bloggin' maniac. I have written on Wednesday and then I am writing today.
I wrote about Judgy Pants People, Study Abroad and now: Momisms.
This blog post is all about things I have said (to various people) through the years. I am like a mommy-in-training, I always have a great yearning to spread "valuable" knowledge, and yet, I always treat it like I am passing on jewels, diamonds, wealth. This advice, coming from me, is the best you'll receive, ever. in your entire life. ever. (Or, at least I'd like to think so).

1. "Choose wisely and wear protection."
I said this to my sister. It seems obvious and I am sure that other people have told her this advice (i.e. sex-education teachers, health care doctors, nurses, principals, our shared mother), yet I felt the need to share this invaluable, timeless tidbit. I always feel the need to tell my sister how it was so hard for me when I was her age and how I had to fight battles, overcome great odds and the outcome is this advice I graciously share with her.
This kind of goes along with wrap it before you tap it, too.

2. "Did you turn the oven off?"
Yeah. I am that type of mommy. Even though I don't have kids (not that I know of)....it is my destiny in life to be a nag. An over controlling nag. You're welcome, World. YOU'RE WELCOME.

3. "Save electricity and turn off some lights."
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous quote. I like to nag. I also don't like to spend booty on utilities. Sure, YOU gots money in da bank. BUT I DON'T. Let your trust fund lie and turn off the lights. I gotta pay for that.

4. "If your lousy relationship doesn't work out, you better not come crying to me."
Stop choosing poorly (See Quote #1). Do you ever see a couple and immediately say, "That's never gonna last." Well, if you are pessimistic/realistic, you know how it rolls.

5. "Don't choose that food just because it has a pretty picture/prize, you'll never eat it."
This one doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes me feel like a Mommy.

6. "Stop being mean to your friends."
What happened to liking them? Why don't you like them anymore? No one knows. No one will ever know. Did one person do something wrong? Are you to blame? Are they to blame? Is this an episode of 7th Heaven where someone hates someone else? Who knows. I KNOW from experience: one day, everything is fine, a week later, HATRED. My mom used to tell me to solve all problems with gifts. She would tell me to extend a peacemaking gesture by giving candy or little toys to friends I got in tiffs with.

7. "Don't bite off more than you can chew."
Don't enroll in 17 hours of undergraduate and graduate credit. That's too much work. Take it easy. Actually, I like to have my life be like any Bob Seger song. Or Eagles song. "Take it Easy" by The Eagles pretty much sums up my view on life.
Lyrics: Lighten up while you still can, Don't even try to understand, Just find a place to make your stand and Take it Easy.

8. "If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it."
This, like many other quotes before it, is kinda backwards, maybe even ghetto/Hoosier. That's how I roll and I don't trust others who don't roll that way. Those types of people will never let you down. Plus, they can be counted on for dozens of other problems. They get shit done.
This quote has to do with realizing that if you don't/can't/won't do something, realize the obvious and do something else. Know thyself (and know that you're bugging the hell out of me by making poor choices).

9. "Think before you speak"
Such a classic one that us Mommies say, but really? Clearly, it needs to be said. Like, I could have said it to G.W. Bush all day long. At every press meeting. At every speech. Think about what you're trying to say. And, if someone comments on the fact that what you are saying might be untrue, dumb or otherwise, perhaps read between the lines and/or listen.

Yeah, that's about all for today. If you see me spouting some Mommyisms, just remember, everyone has it in them to be someone else's Mommy (even for a short time).