Wednesday, January 13, 2010

In case of emergency

If there is ever a fire, flood, storm, tornado or earthquake (or all of those terrorist attacks we seem to have and are worried about) I will be the first to go.
For one, there are so many procedures that I would probably duck and cover under my desk for the earthquake instead of filing out of the building in case of a fire.
Then, there is the instance of me being bored. I can't stand it when I have to sit and wait to be shot. I would probably just gather my things and then peacefully (and hopefully sneakily) head out the back door. I am just too bored and too anxious to wait around in the dark for some teenage boy with daddy issues to come and empty his hunting rifle. I am sorry if this sounds crude, but this is just how it is. Also, I probably would be the first to get a cramp in my leg, stretch it out and then piss the terrorist off or alert the enemy to my/our position.
Lo siento, victims, I got a leg cramp.
I feel like when it comes to everyday life situations, I am like a 74 year old man. I'm stubborn, I don't care that much, I hurt people's feelings when I don't mean to do so, I'm very loud, my voice carries, I complain about the government, how things were better in the good ol' days, I can't sit still, I listen to old timey music and I like to eat my dinner early. I also have this quality where I do not like to do extra work unless it actually needs to be done. Like, I don't like to straighten my closet until I can't close it any more. Another trait is my fondness for Bingo, although that is crossing over into my grandmotherly traits.
Anyway, after hearing about the Haiti situation, I realized that I would be the first to go. I wouldn't want to take cover, I wouldn't lay low to the ground, I wouldn't be responsible or help other young fellows. I would be pissed off because the electric was off and I couldn't watch the news. I am a 74 year old man.

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